Fear to Freedom | A Journey through Fear

As we continue to share stories from real women on Journey One Eighty, there will be some vulnerability shown. I believe that when we are honest with ourselves and honest with others about our struggles, that we allow our stories to help others going through the same thing. I also believe that If I ask someone to share about a difficult journey to help others, that I need to be willing to do the same. So, here is a summary of a journey I have been on. A journey of working through fear. Below, I briefly share of my struggles and what has helped me overcome them. Thank you for reading.

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Fear. I remember being asked as a child what I was afraid of. My friends and I always replied with an answer like “snakes” or “spiders” or “heights”. Those are all valid fears and I would say that my fears of those have changed over time. Years later, a new fear crept into my adult mind. 

The fear of sharing my heart, ideas, thoughts, and stories. All wrapped up into one package; I was afraid of sharing my words.

Why?

I was afraid of hurting, offending, being misunderstood, or just saying something stupid. I spent too much time over analyzing conversations I had with others, too much time thinking of how stupid others must think I was, too much time trying to please others with my words.

I guess if you go even deeper, I was afraid of what others thought of my words. Or even more accurately, I was afraid of what they thought of me.

Then one day, I decided I was done. I was tired, exhausted, from harboring this almost constant fear of what others thought of me and the words I shared with them.

I knew I needed to change my mindset and put into practice what Paul said in Philippians 4:8-9. “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” (ESV)

So instead of telling myself that I was probably stupid, rude, and offensive to people that I spoke to, I began to replace those lies and negative words I was saying to myself with words that were true.

These statements were not new to me. They are words that I had heard almost all of my life. However, for some reason, they have helped bring a new freedom to me at this point in life. They brought a new understanding to me of who I am in Christ. I hope they help you too.

I am forgiven. 

As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.  - Psalm 103:12

God doesn’t keep track of the good and bad that I’ve for the sake of deciding if He is going to to forgive me again or continue to love me. When I choose to follow Him, He forgives me and throws my sin as far away as the east is from the west. That’s pretty far isn’t it? Although I want to keep tabs on myself, He doesn’t. My sin is forgiven. When I beat myself up over words I’ve said and things I’ve done, he loves me. My sin is forgiven. It’s gone. When I remember this, I find freedom from the fear that has held me in captivity for too many days. I need Him and His forgiveness because, as hard as I try, I will never be perfect. I will always need to know His forgivensess.

I am his child. 

So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God. - Galatians 4:7

I am God’s child. I am His and He wants the best for me. He has given me freedom from being enslaved to sin and has brought me into His family that brings the true blessing of eternal life with Him. I love my children and there is nothing they could do that would keep me from loving and desiring the best for them. God’s love for me is even stronger than that.

I am loved. 

See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. - 1 John 3:1

His love is the most sacrificial love. He gave His son, Jesus, to die on a cross so that you and I could live and have eternal life with Him. His love is not based on how much I do for Him and He is not looking for perfection from me.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. - Psalm 139:13-14

This sounds a little prideful and self-centered, doesn’t it? I can only say this statement is true because He is wonderful. He created me. He designed my physical appearance, my personality, my gifts, and my talents. He decided what my hair would look like and what I would be good at. And He designed you too! How can we say that He didn’t do an amazing job?! This doesn’t mean that we are perfect. It just means that He created us how He wanted us to be. And that is good.

The New Journey

The words I (try to) speak in my head have changed.

I always mess up has turned into I am forgiven.

I am useless has turned into I am his child.

No one likes me has turned into I am loved.

I am stupid has turned into I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 

Oh, how I wish I could say I never deal with these fears and thoughts anymore. I still struggle. Sometimes I struggle terribly. But truly, God has done a work in me by reminding me of how He sees me. I’m forgiven. I’m His. I’m loved. I’m wonderfully made. I am moving forward and working to turn my back toward those fears. And in turn, I’m understanding more and more of how much I need Him.

These go for you too. When you choose to follow Him with your life, you are forgiven and you are His. And you are always loved and wonderfully made…by Him. By the Creator and Giver of Life. We can only find our confidence in Him, our identity in Him, because of His goodness, grace, and mercy that He shows us.

The good in us is only because of Him. He turns our old into new. The ashes into beauty.

And that is what we are when we accept and follow Him.

A new creation.

The old is gone.

The new has come.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”
2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV)